Ban cars!
We must band together and demand that the federal government ban all private ownership of cars! Cars kill!
According to the latest news one person was killed and a few others injured when a BMW going 100mph plowed into a KFC restaurant.
CARS KILL! EVIL CARS!
I mean, really, who needs a car that can go that fast? There simply is no civilian purpose for a car of that caliber horsepower. We must ban private ownership of fast cars! I bet it was even a shiny black sedan with chrome mags and smoked windows like I see the bad guys drive on TV! You know they run over cops, and little kids with puppies, and sweet old ladies, and smelly liberal hippies nice concerned citizens with those monstrous things?
CARS KILL! BIG, FAST, EVIL CARS!
Seriously, who even needs to own a car? When you need to go somewhere you can always take a public train or bus, right? Or you can hire a taxi, eh? They’re always on time and available when you need them. (What? No? Then walk, you buffoon! Serves you right for living in the country instead of with us civilized types in the city.) No one has a right legitimate need to provide their own vehicular self-transportation!
CARS KILL! BIG, FAST, EVIL CARS! LITTLE CARS! ALL CARS!
I bet the driver wasn’t even from the same state! And he probably bought it from some shady guy at one of those car shows sponsored by the NHRA! It’s likely even one of those fast-shifting automatics! Who really needs to change gears that quickly?
NO CARS ACROSS STATE LINES! NO PRIVATE CAR SALES! NO AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSIONS! NOT EVEN PUSH-TO-SHIFT! CARS KILL! BIG, FAST, EVIL CARS! LITTLE CARS! ALL CARS!
We must ban cars, you see? They’re simply not safe. After all, it’s for the children.
[Hey Brady Campaign, Mayor Bloomberg, et al, do you see how moronic you sound?]